Salem Wax Museum

The Salem Wax Museum of Witches & Seafarers features 50 London-made wax figures depicting scenes from Salem's history, from the notorious 1692 witch hysteria to its days as a bustling seaport. When we visited Salem in October, we had to be choosy about which attractions we visited because the lines were prohibitively long, especially in the "Haunted Neighborhood." I had wanted to see the wax museum even if it has pretty terrible reviews on Trip Advisor and Yelp—I've never met a creepy, dusty, glassy-eyed wax figure that I didn't love.

The Salem Wax Museum is full of figures that will make you look twice—crossed eyes, missing fingers and questionable wardrobe choices abound. The museum has been in operation for more than 20 years, and attractions like this just don't get made anymore. Wax museums feel so analog in our world of screens and graphics, but no amount of digital effects will ever be able to recreate the feeling you get standing before a dimly-lit scene set with life-size and life-like wax figures.

The line was long, but moved quickly and while I'm sure the other attractions are fun, I don't at all regret our choice. Our experience at the Salem Wax Museum was similar to the one we had at Niagara's Wax Museum of History—most people were not impressed, a bit confused and hurried through the exhibit, while I loved every weird minute of it.

White's City + Carlsbad Caverns

 On our recent Roswell road trip—after our short hike through Bottomless Lakes State Park—we headed to Carlsbad Caverns. We planned to spend the entire day there, exploring the cave until it was time to watch the bat flight. But before we even got to the cave, we stopped at White's City, located four miles east of Carlsbad Caverns National Park.

White's City was established as a campsite in the early 1900s, and over the years grew to include a Pueblo Motel, drug and grocery store, museum, chair lift ride to the top of Walnut Canyon, theater, water park, arcade, gift shop, saloon and other touristy attractions. Unfortunately White's City's heyday appears to be over—aside from an RV park, gift shop, (terrible) restrooms and a desolate restaurant, not much else appeared open or inhabited.

After extreme build-up in the form of what seemed like hundreds of signs along the highway advertising the many attributes of White's City, the actual destination was a bit of a let down. But, like a lot of roadside attractions today, if you look hard enough you can still catch glimpses of its glory days via its signage, spacious—albeit dusty—gift shop, and old-timey Wild West-theme.

After squishing some pennies and buying a dusty floaty pen (depicting the bat flight!), we headed to the main attraction. Carlsbad Cave National Monument was established in 1923, but the limestone cavern is 250 to 280 million years old. We took the self-guided tour down through the natural entrance, a 1.25 mile hike with a descent of 750 feet. I definitely recommend the natural entrance trail if you're comfortable walking distances, but there's also an elevator that will deposit you right into the Big Room.

All along the trail I kept oohing and ahhing over the formations—nature is really, really nuts—and I couldn't possibly imagine how it could get any better. But when we finally made it to the Big Room, I realized why it was the star—it's breathtaking. The Big Room trail is another 1.25 miles, but we were forced to take the shortcut by rangers who told us politely that we were overstaying our welcome (the last elevator up was at 4:30pm, but they started putting the pressure on us around 4pm).

But even after the kitsch of White's City and the grandeur of the cavern, the bat flight still managed to impress. Photos and videos are not allowed during the flight, and it's nice (in addition to being helpful for the bats) to actually experience something nowadays without the pressure of documenting it in just the right way. I think this about most things, but the bat flight really needs to be experienced—there are videos, but they can't possibly capture the sights, sounds, smells and feelings of sitting beneath thousands and thousands of flying bats. I didn't know there were that many bats in the world, let alone in one cavern—we watched for an hour until it was too dark to see, but the ranger said the flight can last from two to four hours. 

Muffler Man: Mr. Bill's, Uniroyal Gal: Nitro Girl

After exploring the Clara Glen Pet Cemetery on our way back from Atlantic City, we stopped at Mr. Bill's for dinner. I had taken my mom to AC for her birthday, and because she's the coolest, she was totally ok with eating her birthday dinner at a roadside diner which I picked only because they have a Muffler Man.

This was the tenth Muffler Man I've seen, and my second of the "happy half-wit" variety. I met my first half-wit at the Magic Forest, but aside from sharing the same basic mold, they are both styled quite differently. Mr. Bill's Muffler Man has been newly painted, although I do think some of the coloring is a bit off—the face is a bit too white and the lip color a touch too harsh but the wide variety of customizations is what makes all the Muffler Men so fun to find.

Mr. Bill's had been closed for a while, but recently reopened under new ownership. I'm so glad that the new owners are taking care of their half-wit, and even without the Muffler Man, it would be a worthy stop. I had a fried chili dog which was delicious, and if anyone ever asks if you'd like your hot dog "fried or raw" just trust me and know that fried is the correct answer.

A few minutes after we left Mr. Bills, my mom looked back and said "Hey that looks like a female Muffler Man." I immediately turned the car around and realized that she had spotted a Uniroyal Gal. According to Roadside America, there are only ten known Uniroyal Gals remaining, making them much more rare than their male counterparts. They were made by an International Fiberglass sculptor who apparently had a thing for Jackie Kennedy. "Nitro Girl" stands outside of a Uniroyal Tire dealership in Gloucester Township, New Jersey and I couldn't believe our luck that our Google directions took us right past her. Thankfully my mom was being vigilant, and it was an amazing find especially for someone who had just seen her very first Muffler Man minutes before.

Lucy The Elephant

Built in 1881, Lucy the Elephant is the oldest surviving roadside attraction in the US. She was built by James Lafferty, in Margate City two miles south of Atlantic City, to help sell real estate and boost tourism. Two other elephant structures were built by Lafferty—in Coney Island and Cape May—but Lucy is the last (wo)man standing.

I'm very into novelty architecture, and along with The Big Duck (which I still need to get out to) Lucy might be the best example that exists. She is six-stories tall and covered in wood and tin sheeting. She fell badly into disrepair by the late 60s and was almost demolished. Thankfully, the Save Lucy Committee, founded in 1969, was able to raise the necessary funds to save her from the wrecking ball—in 1970 she was moved 100 yards inland and completely restored. When we visited, she looked as if she had just received a fresh coat of paint, and it's hard to imagine that she was ever in such dire straits.

Lucy is billed as the only elephant "you can walk through and come out alive!" Visiting the grounds and gift shop is free, but to go inside you need to pay for a tour ($8 for adults). Even though I'd been virtually traveling to Lucy for months before actually planning a trip, I was surprised at how large she is (65 feet high and 60 feet long). I still have the same experience whenever I see the Unisphere in person—just totally in awe of how small I feel.

You enter Lucy through a door in her back leg, and climb a narrow spiral staircase to get into the main room. Upstairs is a tiny museum containing photos and artifacts, and you can look out both of her eyes at the Atlantic Ocean. The tour continues all the way to the top, which opens up into the howdah carriage, offering 360 degree views (the Lucy water tower kills me).

The gift shop has floaty pens, a squished penny machine and every other piece of Lucy memorabilia you could want—t-shirts, lucky Lucy trinkets, postcards, erasers, stuffed Lucys, pins, patches and even "shell"ephant figurines. We stayed long enough for the weather to change from perfect blue skies to rain shower, but it was worth it when we realized we had Lucy to ourselves for a while. Like I'm prone to do, I researched this Atlantic City trip for months, looking at Lucy on Google and devouring any information I could about her, and yet there's still nothing quite as wonderful as seeing these things in person.

Roswell: Aliens

 My sister and I had been planning a roadtrip to Roswell for a few years, and we finally made it happen last month. She lives in Dallas, which is a 7-hour drive from Roswell, so we made a proper roadtrip of it (shout out to my bro-in-law for doing all of the driving!). Whenever I mentioned to anyone that I was going to Roswell, those that had been there cautioned that there wasn't much to see in town. I was prepared for a small, cheesy, tourist-trap of a town—and while Roswell was all of those things it was also entirely delightful because it was all of those things.

 In July of 1947, debris was found on a farm about 30 miles north of Roswell, New Mexico. Whether that debris belonged to a weather balloon, secret military spy aircraft or an alien UFO is up to you to decide. The UFO Museum has some fascinating information on the crash, as well as UFO sightings throughout the years. My favorite section was on photographs that were proven to be frauds—a top hat, a hubcab and a button were just a few of the objects that people have used to produce fake UFO photographs.

I definitely believe that there are "aliens" out there—simply based on the fact that the universe is infinite, Earth can't possibly be the only planet with intelligent life. Do I believe that little green men crashed their spacecraft into the New Mexico desert in 1947? Not really. But I couldn't get enough of all of the aliens—gray and green—in Roswell, and finding them everywhere never got old.

Luckily for cheesy, tourist-trap-loving people like me, Roswell definitely embraces their notoriety as the alien capital of the US. Aliens and UFOs are everywhere: on the back of cars, on the side of the highway, on restaurant signs, manhole covers and bakery windows. I was immediately

enamored with the UFO-shaped McDonald's

, and even the streetlights have been turned into aliens thanks to local artists (I do wish they were green, though).

Aside from the museum and a few other attractions, the majority of downtown is filled with souvenir shops. If you can imagine an alien-themed trinket, you can probably find it in Roswell. I bought a floaty pen and made a few squished pennies, but we discovered that the best t-shirts were at a Walgreens next to our hotel (for $5.99!). I'm so glad that we finally made it to Roswell, which was—along with day trips to White Sands and Carlsbad Caverns—definitely worth the drive.

Muffler Man: Fox Cave

On the way from Roswell, New Mexico to White Sands National Monument along East Highway 70—an hour before we came across the World's Largest Pistachio—we drove past Fox Cave. Realizing they had a Muffler Man, we made a note to stop on the way back. When we did stop, it was about ten minutes before they closed, so I frantically ran around the grounds snapping photos of all the wonderful roadside kitsch.

Fox Cave's claim to fame is that it was once used as a hideout by Billy the Kid. The primarily limestone cave was originally known as "Ice Cave," and only one large room is open to the public. The gift shop is full of Native American souvenirs, aliens and gemstones. They also have a "gem mine" which might be a scam, but 12-year-old me would have definitely been into it.

I was thrilled to meet my ninth (!) Muffler Man along with a menagerie of other roadside creatures. Fox Cave reminded me a lot of Trader's World, and their Muffler Men are very similar. I love that this Muffler Man points to the entrance with one hand and holds a gem in the other—he's also in really great condition, and looks as if he just received a fresh coat of paint.

There's a "cemetary" with a tombstone for Billy the Kid, a handful of dinosaurs and dinosaur heads, a buffalo, carved wooden aliens and a cement-mixer-spaceship. I love the random assortment of roadside animals—statues that have no real purpose and don't make sense together, but is there a better break in the monotony of the road than to glance over and see two huge fiberglass hands rising from the ground?

Fox Cave also has its share of strange mannequins, including two guys sitting outside of a jail (photo-op alert!), a miner that has seen better days and a dismembered torso resting on a tractor. Fox Cave was a quick stop, but that's part of what I love about roadside attractions. Sure White Sands was incredible, but the journey there ended up being just as memorable.

World's Largest Pistachio

If I had one dream job, it would be for someone to pay me to travel to each and every one of the World's Largest Things. I love strange, roadside attractions pretty much more than anything else. Maybe it was all those early years I spent watching Pee-Wee's Playhouse, but I love anything novelty-sized—bigger, or smaller than it should be. I've seen the third World's Largest Garden Gnome, the World's Largest Longaberger Basket, the World's Tallest Uncle Sam and the World's Longest Go-Kart Track, but I'm always eager to add more to that list.

As we were driving to White Sands alongside highway 54/70 in Alamogordo, New Mexico, we came upon McGinn's Pistachio Tree Ranch , home of the World's Largest Pistachio. My sister and I both immediately recognized it from Roadside America and yelled "AHHH IT'S THE WORLD'S LARGEST PISTACHIO PULLLLL OVERRRR," to my startled brother-in-law behind the wheel.

McGinn's is an 111-acre pistachio farm and vineyard, and of course there's a large shop to explore after the huge pistachio lures you in. They sell pistachio-emblazoned everything, and an old miner (not unlike the ones we saw at Howe Caverns and the Niagra Wax Museum) greets you at the door. But of course I was most excited to discover that McGinn's has their very own pressed penny machine, featuring the pistachio with the words "Alamogordo, Pistachioland."

The World's Largest Pistachio is not a real pistachio (this should be obvious by now), but it's big enough and ridiculous enough to be a true roadside gem. The plaque beside it reads: "This monument is dedicated to the lasting memory of Thomas Michael McGinn (1929-2007). The founder of the pistachio tree ranch, this little slice of New Mexico desert was Tom's canvas to create his tireless legacy his tireless dedication to his dream made his farm the success it is today. Tom dreamed big, expected big, and accomplished big things. He would have said this monument is not big enough. His legacy lives on."

There's really no point to the huge pistachio—other than a mandatory photo-op—but I bet most of the people that stopped at McGinn's did so because of it. We certainly did, and ended up buying souvenirs and pistachios before getting on the road again. The world needs more people like Thomas McGinn and his big dreams—and more novelty-sized roadside attractions to honor them.

Smokey Bear Historical Park

On our way back from a day spent sledding the dunes at White Sands National Monument during a recent New Mexico road trip, we weren't quite ready to call it quits for the day. My sister had mentioned that we were nearby Smokey Bear's grave, and even though we knew we weren't going to make it before the museum closed for the day, we still thought it was a worthwhile stop.

Smokey Bear was a real bear cub, originally called "Hotfoot," who was found by firefighters in 1950, badly injured after a fire in Lincoln National Forest. He was renamed Smokey, and came to represent the character that had been created during WWII to help educate campers on the dangers and destructive force of forest fires. Although he lived in the National Zoo in DC (alongside Ham the Astrochimp!), he was brought back to, and buried in Capitan, NM when he died in 1976. 

Of course I'd heard of Smokey Bear, but I'd never realized that he'd been modeled after a real bear. Ever since I visited my first pet cemetery, I've been eager to see as many not-exactly-traditional cemeteries and graves as I can—I was delighted to be able to add Smokey to that list. His grave is marked by a carved wooden bear cub and plaque, along a wooded path that includes statues, handpainted signs, beautiful flowers and at least one praying mantis (although I can't guarantee that last one will stick around). 

The park is such a good kitschy roadside stop—including a squished penny machine and fully-stocked gift shop that was maddeningly closed. The entire (very small) town of Capitan is very proud of its hometown hero—there's a Smokey motel, restaurant and even grocery store. Even if I'm forever disappointed to not be able to add a Smokey squished penny to my collection, I am glad we got to pay our respects to such an iconic figure.

Roswell: UFO McDonald's

My sister, brother-in-law and niece recently hit the road from Dallas, with our destination set at Roswell, New Mexico. We all knew that there wasn't that much to see in Roswell, but we had our hearts set on a kitschy, old fashioned, family vacation and Roswell turned out to be the perfect destination. Sure, downtown Roswell is basically one step up from a one-stoplight town, but there were plenty of alien-themed things to satisfy our need for kitsch.

One of our first stops was the UFO-themed McDonald's in the center of town. Along Roswell's main street (appropriately called Main Street) I counted no fewer than three McDonald's within a very short distance (in addition to three Subways and three Sonics), but only one is shaped like a UFO. Actually only a portion of the restaurant is UFO-shaped, but in a town that is begging for novelty, alien-themed architecture, we were grateful that someone had stepped up to the plate.

The inside is shiny and industrial, like any good UFO should be, but it's the space-themed McDonald's characters that really turn it up a notch. Maybe it was the formative years I spent working at a McDonald's as a teen, but I've always liked the strange cast, from Grimace (what is he!) to Birdie, to the Hamburglar, the Fry Kids and even Ronald. I don't recall the chicken nugget character, but I defy you to find anything cuter than an anthropomorphic nugget floating in a space bubble.

There's a great mural next to the drive-thru that we almost missed, featuring even more cute space nuggets, and a ufo painted in the parking lot in case you needed a spot to land yours. As great as it shines in the daylight, it's even better at night when it lights up, looking as if it's ready to take-off at any moment.

ALL CAPS EPIC ROAD TRIP OF DELIGHTS

I can't believe it's been two months since I flew back to Ohio to go on an ALL CAPS EPIC ROAD TRIP OF DELIGHTS. It felt as if JMP and I were planning the trip for ages and when the weekend finally came, it was over much too quickly. I even joked—before we left—that I almost didn't want to go on the trip, because then it would be over. I'm forever planning road trips, some of which I've taken, some of which will happen eventually, and some of which will probably never actually materialize, and that's ok. Planning a trip is one third of the fun for me, actually going on the trip is another third, and looking back on what I've done is the final third in the total enjoyment pie.

Even though I planned it and experienced it, it's still hard for me to believe that we crammed SO MANY DELIGHTS into 2.5 days. While I've devoted entire posts to a lot of the larger delights, it's really the sum of all of the parts—big and small—that made it so epically delightful.

As any proper road trip should, we started off Saturday morning by filling up on an insanely large—and cheap!—breakfast at a Waffle House. I love nothing more than a local, independent diner BUT a Waffle House just screams road trip to me (maybe it's the fact that they're at every single rest stop in the Midwest). After finishing our scattered and smothered breakfasts, we visited Willy the Whale and drove an hour to the Ohio State Reformatory. 

Along the way we spotted the Dalton Dari-ette, with a sign that I've always admired—and decided since it was ourroad trip and we made the rules that we'd stop and take photos. After the Reformatory we stopped for lunch at the Buckeye Diner, which is located in an old train car on the top of a hill, and despite being Ohio Buckeye-themed, was still charming.

After the field of giant corn cobs, and before we discovered Traders World, we pulled off the highway exclusively to visit what Roadside America described as a "Giant, Strange Ronald McDonald," which was definitely worth a visit. The address provided led us to the wrong place, until we realized that it was probably close to an actual McDonald's, which was correct.

After ice cream at The Cone we stayed overnight in Louisville. The next morning we fortified ourselves once again at a diner—the cute Twig and Leaf—that we chose based on signage alone. After taking an accidental but very awesome detour into Eastern Cemetery, we visited its neighbor Cave Hill Cemetery and paid our respects to Colonel Harland Sanders and the recently-interred Muhammed Ali.

Before leaving Louisville, we hunted down a Triceratops that had once been in the Sinclair Dinoland exhibit at the 1964/1965 World's Fair. I'd seen the T-Rex and the Apatosaurus in Texas and now I'm obsessed with hunting down all of the dinosaurs that remain. My heart sank when we realized that the Triceratops was in a parking lot that was closed on Sunday, but we made an impulse decision to (very quickly) sneak through the fence to get a closer look. I don't advocate breaking into private property, but it also seems shameful to keep such a wonderful piece of history hidden from view.

As we were eating chili dogs and ice cream served to us from a Barrel, we realized we had some time before we needed to check in at the Wigwam. I did a little poking around and discovered Kart Kountry, home of the World's Largest Go-Kart track and we knew it was a perfect addition to our itinerary. It was my first time riding go-karts and we had so much fun—we also played mini-golf and skee-ball and won enough tickets to get a crazy ball (which I promptly bounced into a fountain) and a trick foam ice cream cone.

After sleeping in a Wigwam—and before exploring abandoned Funtown Mountain—we drove through Cave City on our way to Dinosaur World and admired all of the beautiful motel signage. We ate breakfast at a restaurant that still had a smoking section—one that was full—and our waitress was not happy when we sat as far away from the cloud as we could.

We shopped for gifts at Tom's Tee-Pee, not quite as good as the TePee, but a worthy stop nonetheless. I think I was craving another road trip before this one even ended, and luckily my sister, brother-in-law, niece and I are all headed from Dallas to Roswell this weekend and I'm excited to get to explore an entirely new set of delights—even if I'm still basking in the glow of delights from the last trip.

Dinosaur World: Cave City, KY

After spending the night in a Wigwam, eating breakfast at a restaurant that still has a smoking section (it was full) and before we explored abandoned Funtown Mountain, there was Dinosaur World. There are three different Dinosaur Worlds, one in Florida, Texas and Kentucky. Cave City, Kentucky is located near Mammoth Cave Park and was obviously once a booming tourist town. There are still motels, gift shops and other attractions, but the whole town feels largely stuck in time.

Unlike Funtown Mountain across the street, Dinosaur World seems to be doing quite well—they're even open every single day except Christmas and Thanksgiving from 8:30am - 6pm. Dinosaur World features more than 150 life-sized dinosaurs set along an outdoor, wooded path. I read a review where someone complained that they weren't animatronic, but it was the low-tech nature of it all that appealed to me most.

I wouldn't consider myself to have an extensive knowledge of all things dinosaur-related, but I was blown away by how many different kinds of dinosaurs have been discovered. It's one thing to read about their different traits and sizes, but it's another thing entirely to see them up close and in person. Dinosaur World also has a "Mammoth Garden," and if there's one extinct species that we should try to resurrect, it should be the Wooly Mammoth.

Some of the dinosaurs looked predictably scary, but others looked so silly that they made me laugh. Nature is such a weird and wonderful thing, and it wasn't hard to draw connections between dinosaurs and modern-day creatures like birds and lizards. We'll probably never know what it's like to share the earth with dinosaurs like the ones we imagine, but a day at Dinosaur World was more than sufficient to quell that urge. And if all of the Jurassic Park movies are to be believed, resurrecting actual dinosaurs is most likely a terrible idea.

Muffler Man: Wilson's Carpet

Ever since I saw my first  (and second and third and fourth and fifth and sixth and seventh) Muffler Man, I've been obsessed with meeting every one I can. Roadside America has an invaluable map of known Muffler Man locations and I consult it wherever I'm going to make sure I don't miss one. I've known about the one in Jersey City for a while, but I just recently made it across the Hudson to finally see it in person.

The carpet-clutching Muffler Man stands outside of the entrance to Wilson's Carpet and Furniture under the Pulaski Skyway in Jersey City. Owner Norm Wilson bought the 25-foot-tall Bunyan figure in 1974 for $5,000. In 1998, the Muffler Man became legitimately famous when it was included in the opening credits of the Sopranos—something I didn't know about it until after I got home. He's definitely changed over the past eight years, and is in desperate need of a touch-up, but he's still clutching his signature steel "carpet" roll.

The electronic sign board appeared to be broken when I went, and a HUGE SALE!! banner hung in tatters from one of his hands. He stands on a base declaring "America is #1! Love it or leave it!" which feels a little bit too "Make America Great Again" for my tastes, even though I know it predates any Trump-related craziness. Wilson's is located on a very busy road, near the New Jersey turnpike, Hackensack river and elevated PATH train tracks. It's really not a pedestrian-friendly area, but I wasn't going to let that stop me from checking out my eighth (!!) Muffler Man. 

This Muffler Man gets the sad distinction of being in the worst condition of the eight I've seen—the paint is peeling from his pants, his carpet roll is rusting and his faded facial features create a greying, salt-and-pepper look. It was definitely a harrowing journey—despite being only less than nine miles from my Brooklyn apartment—but it was so very worth it.

---

Wilson's Carpet & Furniture
220 Broadway,
Jersey City, NJ 07306

Funtown Mountain: Abandoned

On our way out of Cave City, Kentucky (after a blissful night spent sleeping in a Wigwam) we couldn't resist stopping to check out Funtown Mountain. Originally opened in 1969 as Guntown Mountain (you can see where the G was amended to an F recently), the attraction included a gift shop, haunted hotel and chair lift ride up the titular mountain.

It was reopened as Funtown Mountain in June of 2015, but closed in September of that year when the owner ran into financial trouble and missed some loan payments. Cave City officials declared the park a public safety hazard, and the property went up for auction in April of this year. It sold for $295,000 to a Cave City local who plans to turn it into a destination, a project estimated to cost anywhere from five to twenty million dollars.

We creeped around for a while before I thought I was actually going to die from the heat and insanely bright sun. We climbed up a flight of very rickety wooden steps and discovered an overgrown snack bar car, restrooms, a creepy white-washed bus and what looked like the remnants of some sort of bumper ride. We were sure there was more to the park, but we were running low on time (and cooling mechanisms) and didn't want to push our luck.

The Haunted Hotel and adjacent fortune-telling hut were definitely a highlight. Although we couldn't find a viable way into the "hotel," it was still such an A+ find. Parts of Funtown Mountain feel as if they've been abandoned for years—instead of months—but I can still see why someone with big dreams would be able to see its potential. I'd love to revisit Funtown if it ever reopens, but they might find it difficult to improve on the creepiness of a legitimately abandoned Haunted Hotel.

Muffler Man: Traders World

After visiting the field of giant corn cobs, and before treating ourselves to a cone (and a float) from The Cone, we were on the hunt for a Muffler Man. I had his location pinpointed on my map, but I had no idea that we were about to hit the roadside kitsch jackpot at the entrance to Traders World.

Traders World claims to be the "midwest's largest and most colorful flea market," and has been in Lebanon, Ohio for more than 30 years. It's pretty far south from where I grew up so I had never heard of it, despite my deep love of flea markets and roadside figurines. They have 16 buildings, 850 inside vendor spaces and 400 outdoor vendor spaces—sadly it was closed by the time we arrived, but it looked enormous.

Luckily, the grand entrance gates are flanked by not only the top-notch Muffler Man, but several other fiberglass animals and beautiful handpainted signs. I was so happy to be able to see yet another Muffler Man in person (my seventh!), and delighted beyond words to stumble upon all sorts of additional critters, who—despite the many signs—did not roar or bite once.

Field of Giant Corn Cobs

As a native of Ohio, I'm no stranger to cornfields—in fact, I used to live on a street that had two of them, and nothing made me happier than wrapping my porch columns in dried cornstalks every Halloween. If you mix an intense love of roadside attractions with my cornfed, Ohio DNA you'd probably end up with something very similar to the field of giant corn cobs in Dublin, Ohio.

The 109 larger-than-life corncobs sprout from a field once farmed by Sam Frantz, inventor of hybrid corns. In 1994 the Dublin Arts Council commissioned artist Malcolm Cochran to create the field of concrete corn using three molds with different kernel patterns. I did notice the variation, and to the untrained eye it looks as if each cob is unique.

We were most surprised about where the field is located—smack dab in the middle of a bland industrial park, right next to a busy road and surrounded by the upper class suburbs of Columbus. While the setting was unexpected, the field of giant corn cobs has all the ingredients of a classic roadside attraction—an every day object that is dramatically scaled, accessible, strange and seemingly out of place, but with a connection to local history (however tenuous) that makes it all feel much more normal than a field of giant, concrete corn probably should.

Wigwam Village No. 2

I can't remember when I first became aware of the Wigwam Villages, but ever since I did, I've been obsessed with staying in one (and then, of course, the other two). It seemed sensible to begin with the one "closest" to me—Wigwam Village No. 2, in Cave City, Kentucky. In fact, our entire recent ALL CAPS EPIC ROAD TRIP OF DELIGHTS was planned around an overnight stay at the Wigwam Village. Everything else we did along the way there and back was really just a bonus as long as we got to SLEEP IN A WIGWAM, I was happy.

The first Wigwam Village was built in 1933 by Frank A. Redford, in Horse Cave, KY. When No. 2 opened a few miles away in 1937, No. 1 closed and was demolished in 1982. No. 2 has 15 wigwams arranged in a semi-circle (technically tipis, but I don't think Frank was too concerned about cultural sensitivity at the time). Subsequent villages were built in Louisiana, Florida, Alabama, Arizona and California, and only the last two still remain.

Each wigwam has one or two beds, a bathroom (small, but normal by New York standards), a TV, window AC, vanity and chair. Outside there is space to park one car and a bench for each Wigwam. The hickory furniture is original to the rooms, and I immediately fell in love with the zigzag detail repeated throughout the bathroom. Each concrete and steel Wigwam is 14 ft in diameter, so it's not a luxury suite, but it was clean, the shower pressure was great, and it was everything I had expected from an 80-year-old roadside novelty motel (and only $84 for a double room on the weekend).

The village also includes a large central wigwam, which originally housed a restaurant, but now serves as a gift shop and office. We were lucky to chat with the lovely owner while we browsed the gift shop, but he had some disheartening things to say about bad reviews that have hurt his (already precarious) business. He explained that the wigwams are basically one step up from camping, and that it was impossible to combat the unrealistic expectations people have for the 80-year-old motel.

It was sad to hear that some guests aren't as thrilled as we were to stay in what I consider to be a true American treasure—one that's been listed on the National Register of Historic Places since 1988. I can only hope that there are enough novelty architecture-, roadside attraction- loving people left in the world for the three remaining Wigwam Villages to survive.

Niagara Wax Museum of History

On our recent trip to Buffalo, we had decided to make a side trip to Niagara Falls. We initially discussed going to the Canadian side, but one of us had an expired passport and I had already found some kitschy things to do on the American side so I was content to stay in the homeland. After we ogled the Twist o' the Mist, we headed to Niagara's Wax Museum of History.

In my research I had read that most of the exhibits in the museum date from 1968—when the museum opened—which some people might call "outdated" but I couldn't have been happier to find that to be a mostly true assessment. We were greeted at the front desk by the same miner who told my fortune at Howe Caverns, and what I'm assuming is a moving picture of the Falls (it wasn't plugged in).

The museum was everything I wanted it to be from the very beginning—weird, old, dusty, creepy, historical, informative and dimly lit. The group of teens that entered right behind us didn't share my enthusiasm, however, and clearly thought they were going to see a wax museum more in the vein of Madame Tussaud's. I heard one of them exclaim loudly "What is this?? I thought there was gonna be, like, Obama and shit," before they rushed ahead of us and we never saw them again.

A lot of the exhibits were a bit of a head scratcher but ultimately made us laugh and made me love the museum so very much. I don't think the group of disgruntled/confused teens ever made it far enough to see that they did actually have "celebrities," including (a very manly) Princess Diana, Julia Roberts and Mother Theresa, chosen for their very tenuous connections to the falls (they either visited or exemplified the beauty and grace of the falls... or more likely they got these particular wax figures on sale).

The other exhibit that we're still chuckling about is the recreation of the barber shop (and the actual chair!) where Abraham Lincoln "received tonsorial work" when he visited the Falls. The museum was full of disconnected exhibits that didn't really make sense or follow any sort of logical thread, which was really wonderful in its own way.

We definitely got more than our money's worth—46 (exciting!) exhibits in more than 10,000 sq feet for only $7/person. I get so much more joy from a dusty, bizarre old wax museum than I ever would from anything utilizing any type of new technology. Give me a handpainted sign, bad puns, exclamation points, creaking gears and creepy dioramas over anything digital any day.

But the museum definitely saves the best for last with what may be the very best photo-op I've ever encountered. I became mildly obsessed with the photo of "Former Mayor Mike O'Laughlin saying: 'See You Later' on a simulated trip over Niagara Falls" in their collection of Falls memorabilia, and I audibly squealed with delight upon finding that exact same barrel-over-the-falls prop set up before the exit. According to Roadside America, the barrel "once stood in an outdoor photo-for-a-buck booth on the Falls overlook. The museum rescued it before the city could sweep it away..." and I couldn't be happier that they did.

Muffler Man: Super Freeze

After visiting a Frank Lloyd Wright house in Derby, New York (about 20 miles southwest of Buffalo), I consulted my roadtrip map and realized that we were right by the Super Freeze. I knew the Super Freeze was home to one Muffler Man, but I was surprised to discover that it was an all-around delightful place, bursting with roadside kitsch.

Speaking of the Muffler Man, his name is George and he's 14-feet tall. I somehow wasn't prepared for the fact that he was holding both a cheeseburger and an ice cream cone—look at that face!—and he is perfect in every way. George is the sixth Muffler Man I've seen in person (including two Paul Bunyans, a clown, a half-wit and Pecos Bill), and I'd love nothing more than to visit every single one of them across the country.

Everywhere I looked I encountered another fiberglass figure—Mighty Mouse, Big Boy and the crème de la crème of self-garnishing hot dogs—or wonderful signage. The multi-colored plastic sign letters are so great, and I love how generic the name "Super Freeze" sounds. If I had to come up with a name for an American roadside ice cream/burger joint, I could never come up with something better.

The inside was great, even if some of it was a bit too faux retro. They hit all the classic diner decor notes with black-and-white tile, counter stools, vinyl booths, a jukebox, a Coke machine, Friday Fish Fry tartar sauce on every table and vintage milkshake machines. We got enormous soft serve cones, played Theatre of Magic pinball and thanked the roadtrip gods for leading us to such a wonderful place.